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Conservative MP Andrew Bridgen knows the real reason for empty shelves is working-class people going to university

Did the Conservative MP Andrew Bridgen cultivate lagoons of urine in his rural Leicestershire constituency? In 2014, the Environment Agency claimed lagoons at the Measham depot of his vegetable packaging and distribution company, AB Produce, emitted a pervasive urine smell. “It smells just like urine all the time – first thing in the morning until last thing at night,” a villager said. By 2016, more than 400 people had complained about Bridgen’s urine lagoons, which he claimed contained liquefied vegetables; they were asked to score Bridgen’s odour from one (“very faint odour”) to six (“the strongest odour you could ever encounter, which could make you physically ill”). Though the issue was resolved, whenever the Conservatives need a stink, the Creature from the Yellow Lagoon can be relied upon to kick one up.

In February, Disney decided to flag, but not censor, dated content in old Muppet Shows. Viewers were warned, for example, that Johnny Cash sang in front of a Confederate battle flag, now blacklisted by American retailers after Confederate battle flag fan Dylann Roof shot dead nine black churchgoers in Charleston. Bridgen, a Tamagotchi Farage, mechanically declared: “I would like to know which bunch of muppets thought this one up… If this continues kids won’t be able to watch any TV programmes which are not newly made. Is nothing safe?” The shows, previously archived, were in fact newly available, with brief statements before contentious but unaltered episodes. It will soon be illegal to be white.

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