Look upon my CES 2022 work from home setup and despair

Working from home has been my normal for more than a decade, but it’s getting a bit stale. Time to spice it up — with some of CES 2022’s hottest items, all of which definitely kind of exist.

First off let’s upgrade these dinky twin 27-inch Dells I’ve been attempting to work on for the last couple years. They’re flat — lifeless! And the bezels between them? So disorientating! What I need is something I can just stick my head right in and be immersed in the TechCrunch experience.

Samsung knows what’s up: one giant 55-inch monitor curved like a snow shovel. The Odyssey Ark is an experiment in next-gen media, meant for you to be streaming, gaming and video chatting all at the same time on the same screen. Check out how it dominates YouTuber Tim Schofield:

Now if I’m going to have to tip backwards about 40 degrees to read the top of the PDF I display at 750% on there (ever print a document that big? That text is crisp), I better have a decent chair. Fortunately Razer’s got my back — literally.

The Enki Pro HyperSense isn’t just a comfy chair I can easily dominate Halo: Infinite deathmatches from. It’s basically a giant Rumble Pak.

“With 65,000 haptic variations it has the tactile feedback of +/- 1 G-Force and can create 1.5 inches of vertical and backward tilt in your seat,” Razer explains. So when your Warthog gets naded, you don’t just feel it in your pride, you actually fall over as your chair bounces you up and out. Well, maybe you won’t fall, but if you’re streaming it’ll get a laugh, so lean into it.

I’ve got to work while I play, though, so I need a keyboard that matches the quality of my writing. Writing really starts from the keys, as I’ve always said. Why do you think all the old-style authors had those great chunky typewriters? Can’t write cool characters if you don’t look cool doing it. I’m not sure how Neal Stephenson gets around that.

But every writing style is different, and you should build your keyboard from the ground up and with a good foundation. That’s Keychron’s Q1 for you: solid as hell, and you can assemble it yourself with a bunch of different styles of keycaps and switches on tap. Why not have WASD in gaming linear but the rest in clicky tactile? Well, probably because it’ll feel weird, but you get the idea.

(Joking aside, I actually have one of these to test and it’s pretty nice. A good mechanical keyboard is a perfectly practical way to upgrade your own WFH setup.)

What’s that keyboard plugged into? Glad you asked. See, I’ve come to understand that heat management is at the core of PC performance, but at the same time good insulation is at the core of a quiet rig. How can I have both, though? And don’t say liquid cooling! That’s just crazy. No, I’m going with the most elaborate solution possible.

The Kinetic series from CyberPowerPC uses a complex set of folding triangles to produce variable airflow across the face of the case, opening and closing as heat requirements change. Why triangles? Why this origami style and not just some valves? Why such a complex arrangement doomed to get clogged with dust? Hello, because it looks awesome.

I know what you’re thinking. How will people see all my important swag when I’m on a video call? First of all, thanks for your concern, I appreciate it. You’re a kind person. But I thought of that too. Check out my new Zoom setup:

Right?!

Not only will they see my whole tasteful computing nook, but also how I’m… definitely fully dressed in professional clothes during the workday. Okay, maybe I can angle it so… well, I’ll figure it out. Anyway, this huge telepresence rig comes from French company la Vitre, which advertises it as “an 86-inch experience.” It’s actually got a bunch of other cool stuff built in too.

Lastly, I need to make sure I’ve got the freshest ping in the lobby or people will think when I dodge their shots it’s all down to packet loss. TP-Link has the final word with its Archer AXE200 Omni robotic router.

No more getting up and going to the router to tweak your antenna configuration. Wait… you don’t do that? No wonder you aren’t climbing the leaderboard, my friend. Signal goblins. Just wait for this thing to come out and it’ll take care of everything for you. After the robocalypse, every one of the hunter-killers will cold sport one of these bad boys.

Right, there’s my big upgrade. I’m sure I’ll have all the pieces here in person some time in the next decade or so.