In 2015, seven men discussed navigating masculinity in a roundtable discussion for the WisCon Chronicles (WisCon is a feminist scifi/fantasy convention they attend). “For me, my own maleness feels like an axiom, a defining property that I can’t prove or justify with analysis — and yet most of the traits that I associate with masculinity are things I’m uncomfortable with, whether or not I see those traits in myself.” Participants included scifi/fantasy authors Na’amen Gobert Tilahun, David Moles, Jim Hines, and Benjamin Rosenbaum (conversation facilitated by Mary Anne Mohanraj).
Some more quotes:
I have a lot of stuff to sort through and untangle in my life, pursuant to my transition, because I had always been perceived as a “weird” gender-variant woman, and likewise if I remain true to myself I will be a “weird” gender-variant man……
It also feels like the things I love about my life should not be inherently linked to maleness at all. I appreciate that I am generally safe walking at night or that my voice is (sometimes, my color often gets in the way) heard. I like those things about being male definitely, because they grant me a respect and a safety that I enjoy and take advantage of but I also try to remember that if I participate and appreciate them without thought I am perpetuating the same system. I try to remember that my responsibility then is to try to expand those privileges to include everyone, until they are no longer privileges but basic respects expected of and from everyone. That’s why I have a problem thinking of these things as things I enjoy about being male because while I do enjoy them the other side is the responsibility of privilege…..
Do I “like” the privilege? I don’t know ….. Do I like getting to be the one to talk, to decide, the one to matter, the important one, the one whose desires have primacy and can be spoken? Well, it feels like I will die the moment it’s taken away. I don’t think that’s “like”. I resent and need it. I hate and want it…….
Maleness strikes me as a lovely little fandom, as long as folks don’t get all rigid about how to do it right or who’s allowed to join up.
Content note for mentions of sexist slurs, and for a trans participant mentioning a transphobic slur.
Disclaimer: I know a few of the participants.