Sign up now! Sign up now! Sign up now? Sign up now!
If The Fiver had to nominate a current Premier League footballer to score a penalty in order to save our miserable life, Mark Noble would be top of the list. Before his late, late introduction at the London Stadium on Sunday, West Ham’s very own Pearly King had taken 42 throughout his long career and missed just four. His conversion rate of 90.48% is one that dwarfs the combined 00.00% equivalent of assorted other West Ham players who had taken the last three penalties their team had been awarded before Martin Atkinson gave them a chance to make it four red Xs in a row against Manchester United. As Atkinson trotted pitchside to consult his monitor, fans in the stand saw a cartoon lightbulb illuminate over the head of David Moyes, who had clearly had a Good Idea.